strawberry doom

Why did I have to just devour that leftover strawberry cream pie like it was fluffed air instead of an unnecessarily highly caloric dessert that will sit on my hips well into my trip to Florida for which we leave the day after tomorrow?

Why do I sabotage myself this way? It truly is one of the strangest things on my growing list of sleep-deprived habits.

I am sleep deprived because my son decided yesterday that his crib is an evil spot worthy of violent protest. After two hours of ear-drum shattering wails in the wee hours of morning every time I tried to sneak him back in, he finally conceded defeat and slept through my last attempt to deposit him into his crib without waking him. I did get to nap for about an hour this afternoon, but since then, I've felt groggy and headachy. One thing led to another, and those things culminated in my absent-minded consumption of pie. At least the leftovers are gone and there's no danger of a repeat offense tomorrow.

Tears

Jacob cried and cried today, every time I tried to put him to bed. Even though he was clearly exhausted (or maybe because of that), he just couldn't fall asleep without my help. Each time, I either nursed him to sleep, or rocked him until he couldn't keep his eyes open anymore. Poor guy. What's going on with him? I'm starting to wonder if he's actually ready for solids yet. Maybe it's all too much for his little system to handle. Or maybe he's just having an off day, I guess.

Once he did fall asleep, I invited my parents to stay over and watch "Raising Arizona" with me. Oddly, my dad has recently decided that he's into the Coen Brothers, I think because he just saw "A Serious Man" on the airplane, and loved it. Since then, he can't stop talking about them. Anyway, I figured he should watch the movie that started it all. Unfortunately, he seemed to have trouble understanding some of the dialogue because of H.I. and Ed's accents... and missing any dialogue in that movie is tragic. It's unfortunate. Plus, my mother got hung up on the fact that Leonard Smalls was only a figment of H.I.'s imagination; how come everybody else could see him. It was tough trying to explain that one to her.  It's like trying to get someone who's never seen a metaphor to appreciate a poem.  Not totally sure that the Coen brothers deserve that analogy, but I'd be easily convinced.

It was weird watching that movie as a parent... I think it may have changed how much I could sit back and enjoy it. I couldn't stop worrying about the baby.

barley cereal

Today I started Jacob on barley cereal. I find this new world of spoon-feeding to be incredibly fun. I get to watch my little guy taste simple everyday things for the very first time (how extraordinary is that? Think about it!). I get to see his face when something doesn't strike his fancy (like the life-brand trivitamins I tried to give him today but gave up on out of pity for the poor guy). I get to watch his face get crusty with caked-on mush and observe how little he cares that creamed rice icicles are hanging stiffly from the tip of his nose. Then, I get to watch his entire demeanour change when I bring out the wet cloth to clean him up. How funny that he would gladly go about the rest of his day all stiff with dried up mush all over him. God, I love him!

I'm back.

Wow. I just read my last blog entry for the first time since I wrote it 5 years ago, and I honestly didn't even know it was mine. Actually, I forgot that I even had this blog until I had a sudden urge to start a new one last night, when I really should have been asleep in bed. Things have changed.... but not as much as I would have thought. In fact, ironically, I find myself in the very same boat today (literally today, because yesterday I hadn't been told yet that my teaching job would not be given back to me at the end of my maternity leave). So here I am, laden with various degrees, and still unsure as to what to call myself. Today, however, I have far less angst about it. I have a beautiful baby boy who defines my life right now, and I'm going to milk that (pun not initially intended, but I'll take credit for it now that I discovered it) for all its worth. I'm aware that I won't always be able to define myself first and foremost as a mother. One day, he'll be all grown up and making his own way in the world.... but today I am purely a mom, and I couldn't be happier about it.