Wednesday, March 24, 2010

The irony of the Food Network: A mathematical perspective from the opposite of a math person.

I've discovered an important mathematical equation that reliably predicts how much time per day I will spend in the kitchen preparing meals for myself and my family.  It's pretty groundbreaking, so hold onto your hats:

Amount of time spent in kitchen = 1 / amount of time spent watching the Food Network

The equation can be represented in graphical form as such:

where y = amount of time spent in kitchen
and x = amount of time spent watching the Food Network

Note: units are in minutes x 10

It's important to point out that while both factors can approach zero, neither will ever reach it.  Although I might sometimes aspire to watch zero Food Network, it is not possible for me, as it is an addictive source of entertainment, in addition to being a central source of inspiration for me to enter the kitchen in the first place.  Thankfully, the same can be said of how much time I spend in the kitchen.  Although I might wish to eat every meal out of a take-out container, I'm a mom now and it's just not an option.

Oh Food Network, with your merrily slick Ricardos and your curly-headed towers of Chefs at Home and your pleasantly plump Barefoot Contessas...  I want you to know that I'm working on a way to have it all.  I will figure out a way, damn it, to have my Cake Boss and eat it too.

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